May 12th, 2012 - A gift that I gave to Tristan at his Welcome Home party that I threw for him and ______ & ______
Dear Tristan,
I know that you are too young to understand any of this letter at this time, and will be too young to understand for years to come; however I wanted to be sure that when you were old enough to understand that you had something from your "American Family!"
A little over a year ago, my family and your family met for the first time! We knew that our families clicked right away and from that moment on - although in different parts of the World - our families became one! From the moment I met your fathers - I knew that they have waited so long to have you. They were completely ready to be Daddies and I was so happy to be the one that they had chosen to bring you into this World. Working all together, Tristan, you were created back in August, 2011 and for 9 months (almost 10) - I carried you in my belly and gave you a safe place to grow and develop until you decided you were ready to come and meet your daddies for the first time!
Watching you grow over the months was a miraculous experience and although there were some problems while you were in my belly - you were always perfect! You had a strong heartbeat and loved to jump around. You always gave a problem to the ultrasound technicians because you never stayed still...that's how I liked it! I knew that whenever you moved, jumped, rolled - that you were okay. That you were somehow telling me that you were a happy little boy inside of my belly and because of that - I was able to your daddies stories of how you are so healthy and happy in your little spot! Tatum (my son) loved being able to "try" and feel you move in my belly by putting his little hand where he thought you were and just waiting for a little bump. You became a part of our family - and you will always be a part of our family.
Giving birth to you just added to the immaculate adventure! Your daddies arrived sooner than expected because you like to play tricks on us and caused "False Labor" many times - but to be sure that they didn't miss a thing, they needed to be here early. The night that I went into the hospital to have you - your daddies were more than ecstatic! They couldn't wait to come and be with me and my husband (Jeff) at the hospital (and my Mom - Diane) - you had an audience!!! After 12 or more hours, Tristan, you came into the World. Our entire experience together was everything that I and my family expected it to be. The look on your daddies faces were amazing - the sincerity, appreciation, the excitement, the LOVE - the first look at you - they had love of parents in their eyes.
I could not be happier to be the one who brought you into this World, Tristan...To be the one to hand you to two Great Men that you will call Daddy and Papa. Your Fathers have been waiting for you for a very long time and you are the best gift, the best piece of their life forever more! You have also given a gift to my family - just you - knowing that we helped you grow, that we helped you become a living person - you have made our family very special.
Although you will not see me often and will not understand most of this until way later in your life, I promise to stay a part of your life. Through your daddies, I will watch you grown into an Infant, a Toddler, a Preschooler, a Child, a Preteen, a Teenager and finally an Adult. You have an AMAZING story of how you began, Tristan Ryan, and you will be an amazing person. I'm so excited for what the future holds for you, your family and my family. We love you so much and will never forget you and this experience...Thank you for coming into our lives!
We love you,
Autumn, Jeff, Tatum and Gavin Struk
Monday, May 21, 2012
"To Be Continued" Continued
I am sincerely sorry that I have taken so long for the continuation of the birth story for Tristan. My continuation was supposed to be quickly after the last blog; however I got caught up and the last 3 weeks have totally slipped by me. So...here we go!
My hospital stay lasted 2 full days - Tristan was born on Wednesday and they let me go home on Friday. Lucky enough the Maternity Ward was not overly packed, so they actually gave ______ & ______ their own room to stay in the entire hospital stay with Tristan. The hospital was absolutely great with _______ & _______ and taught them the in's and out's of the new parenting tips and tricks.
I loved having ______ & ______ in the room next to me! When I had visitors, they had visitors...of course everyone was there to see the end product of this wonderful experience -TRISTAN! ______ & ______ have really become a part of our family throughout this process - so my family and Jeff's family and our friends all wanted to see us and Tristan and the new Daddies!
Right after the birth, I was able to hold Tristan...during this time that I held him after carrying him for 9 1/2 months and handing him over to other people to be his parents I needed that little moment to have with him. During this time, I held him close to me, looked into his newly opened eyes and said "I have held you and have kept you safe for the past months. Although some of the time was trying, I would never take any of it back. Now, it's time for me to hand you over to your Daddies for them to keep you safe. You are in great hands and will be loved unconditionally for the rest of your life. I love you and will never forget this experience." With tears rolling down my face, I then handed Tristan back to his Daddies. I needed that moment - to share with Tristan (although of course he can't understand) the purpose of why I did this experience...why my family did this experience.
Emotionally, after the birth of Tristan - besides the regular Baby Blues - I was okay. I enjoyed being able to help ______ & ______ with Tristan when they needed help, I enjoyed being able to visit with them and watch them interact with Tristan during his first two days alive. My nurses were great and my overall hospital experience with this birth was great! I decided, after speaking to Tristan's pediatrician, that I would provide Tristan with my colostrum as it's the best thing for him (and of course I would do it for my own children). So, my days in the hospital, I did pump my breasts to gather enough colostrum for Tristan to drink. Colostrum (if you don't know) is one of the best things for newborns to get - it has a massive amount of antibodies to protect the newborn from infection and sickness, etc. So, I knew it was the best thing for him and wanted to provide that one last gift to Tristan and his daddies. You'd think that this may have brought me closer, but like the rest of the experience - I kept my self emotionally aware of the entire situation.
The Goodbye at the hospital - the time that I was let out to go home to my beautiful family was okay, as well. I knew that this Goodbye was not a final goodbye and that I would be seeing Tristan and his Daddies within the next couple of days. It was sad because I had to leave the same vicinity as them - I couldn't walk next door to hold the baby and watch all of them interact - but it was time for me to go...time for me to get back in the swing of things, in the swing of my life - of my loves - my husband and my children!
Tristan Ryan - born April 25th, 2012 - a day that our Incredible Journey brought the ending gift...the day the Stork brought the baby...the ultimate day that many lives were changed!
My hospital stay lasted 2 full days - Tristan was born on Wednesday and they let me go home on Friday. Lucky enough the Maternity Ward was not overly packed, so they actually gave ______ & ______ their own room to stay in the entire hospital stay with Tristan. The hospital was absolutely great with _______ & _______ and taught them the in's and out's of the new parenting tips and tricks.
I loved having ______ & ______ in the room next to me! When I had visitors, they had visitors...of course everyone was there to see the end product of this wonderful experience -TRISTAN! ______ & ______ have really become a part of our family throughout this process - so my family and Jeff's family and our friends all wanted to see us and Tristan and the new Daddies!
Right after the birth, I was able to hold Tristan...during this time that I held him after carrying him for 9 1/2 months and handing him over to other people to be his parents I needed that little moment to have with him. During this time, I held him close to me, looked into his newly opened eyes and said "I have held you and have kept you safe for the past months. Although some of the time was trying, I would never take any of it back. Now, it's time for me to hand you over to your Daddies for them to keep you safe. You are in great hands and will be loved unconditionally for the rest of your life. I love you and will never forget this experience." With tears rolling down my face, I then handed Tristan back to his Daddies. I needed that moment - to share with Tristan (although of course he can't understand) the purpose of why I did this experience...why my family did this experience.
Emotionally, after the birth of Tristan - besides the regular Baby Blues - I was okay. I enjoyed being able to help ______ & ______ with Tristan when they needed help, I enjoyed being able to visit with them and watch them interact with Tristan during his first two days alive. My nurses were great and my overall hospital experience with this birth was great! I decided, after speaking to Tristan's pediatrician, that I would provide Tristan with my colostrum as it's the best thing for him (and of course I would do it for my own children). So, my days in the hospital, I did pump my breasts to gather enough colostrum for Tristan to drink. Colostrum (if you don't know) is one of the best things for newborns to get - it has a massive amount of antibodies to protect the newborn from infection and sickness, etc. So, I knew it was the best thing for him and wanted to provide that one last gift to Tristan and his daddies. You'd think that this may have brought me closer, but like the rest of the experience - I kept my self emotionally aware of the entire situation.
The Goodbye at the hospital - the time that I was let out to go home to my beautiful family was okay, as well. I knew that this Goodbye was not a final goodbye and that I would be seeing Tristan and his Daddies within the next couple of days. It was sad because I had to leave the same vicinity as them - I couldn't walk next door to hold the baby and watch all of them interact - but it was time for me to go...time for me to get back in the swing of things, in the swing of my life - of my loves - my husband and my children!
Tristan Ryan - born April 25th, 2012 - a day that our Incredible Journey brought the ending gift...the day the Stork brought the baby...the ultimate day that many lives were changed!
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Moment We've all been Waiting For!
April was a crazy, crazy month for baby Tristan and I. 37 weeks and full term started with the month of April - we made it! With all the complications and medications and bed rest - we made baby Tristan remain in my belly safely to full term! In the case that I did not go into labor prior to 4/25 - 39 weeks and 1 day - we had an Induction date set due to the bleeding complications throughout our pregnancy.
At the start of this month, at 37 weeks, I was checked and was 4cm and 75% effaced. Exactly 37 weeks - I went to the hospital with 4 minute apart contractions and was later sent home due to "false" labor. These contractions continued 6-11 minutes apart for the next two weeks...
Because of being 75% effaced and had our false labor episode - the daddies _________ & _________ decided to be safe and switched their flight to America to Thursday...so they arrived and were awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy!
Exactly 38 weeks - I thought my water had broke and again went to the hospital to find out that is wasn't my water...and again was sent home. By this time, with all of the complications and the false labors - I was totally ready to have Tristan. To add to this - since the beginning of April I have suffered from severe carpal-tunnel because of the extra pregnancy fluids and wasn't able to sleep more than 2 hours a night. So tired!!!
Exactly 39 weeks - 4/24/2012 - I went to my regular check up and was still 4 cm dilated and 75% effaced, however because I made it to 39 weeks, the doctor was able to perform a procedure called "Membrane Stripping." This procedure is a stripping of the membranes that are around the cervix and bag of water to help contractions begin and stay, as well as, help with dilating the cervix. I had this procedure with Gavin (my second pregnancy) and I went into labor 6 hours later.
4 hours after the membrane stripping, contractions began! At 3:00pm, I began to actually count the minutes apart each contraction came - 3 minutes consistently until 6:00pm. I then decided to give the doctor a call to let them know the situation and they wanted me to go to the hospital. Because of going to the hospital and having to be sent home so many times, I totally was stressed about going in again...but they reassured me that because I had an induction scheduled for the next morning, the chances of me being sent home were slim.
I got myself ready and we arrived at the hospital at around 7:30pm. We waited for about an hour to even be set up on monitors and then was finally checked at 9:00pm. Because, again, my cervix was still at the same spot - they wanted to watch me for another hour to determine if I was beginning active labor or was still in the early stages. At 10:30pm, I was checked and dilated to 5cm! I was admitted!!!
Contractions were getting closer together and were becoming stronger. We decided to give me an epidural prior to breaking my water because with this being my 3rd pregnancy - there was fear that if my water was broken first that I may dilate too quickly to even get the epidural.
11:45pm came the Epidural - another experience in itself. This is the only part of labor that has always freaked me out and this time my nerves got the best of me! The anesthesiologist put the numbing needle in my back and then removed it and put the rod in my back - and didn't end up putting enough numbing stuff in - because I felt him hit a nerve and I jumped...making a mass amount of blood dispose out of my back. It was not a site that I wanted to feel or see and made the entire epidural process seem like FOREVER. After the epidural was complete - my contractions in my belly stopped (or at least the feeling stopped) but the pressure in my lower half continued to get worse and worse.
The doctors came in to check me and I was now 6cm dilated and they broke my water. Once they broke my water they were able to really feel Tristan's head and noticed that it was turned the wrong way. Normally babies come out facing down and Tristan's head was facing up...this is the reason the pressure was more than normal in my lower half. I sat at 6 cm dilated for a few hours and completely skipped 7cm and went to 9cm before we knew it!
At 5:00am - the doctors wanted me to start pushing. Because Tristan's head was facing the wrong way - the pushing process was going to be more difficult than normal. They had me start earlier than normal to see if they could turn Tristan the correct way. Because I pushed for my epidural at 4:00am - I was pushing hard but wasn't pushing in the correct area due to the disconnect from the numbing...so we pushed for 45 minutes to no avail and decided that we would turn off the epidural completely and sit for an hour to wait for Tristan to descend more on his own.
6:00 - 6:50am was an unbearable 50 minutes. 10 cm dilated and piggy back contractions with NO EPIDURAL = NOT FUN!!! I couldn't breath, I had an oxygen mask on that was driving me nuts, I was rocking back and forth in attempt to make it through each contraction as well as get Tristan to turn his head. It became unbearable and at 6:50am I was done waiting!
I pushed and pushed and pushed with all of my might. Labor with my two boys seemed so much easier - I had a working epidural with them and they were turned the correct way. This labor was so much more difficult! Finally, I got Tristan's head out (and it felt like I felt his eyes, his nose, his ears, EVERYTHING), then came his neck, and his shoulders (and this is where I feel I didn't need to push with my own boys again) but I had to push Tristan till he was entirely out! I felt every part of that little boy leave my body! The daddies cut his umbilical cord and the nurses took him away. The doctors sat and worked on me and getting my placenta and after-birth out. That was another experience without an epidural and a baby to hold. Again, I felt everything - normally you would have your baby to embrace - but because I was a surrogate - the daddies were embracing him while I was completing the labor process. Luckily I had no tear and didn't need any stitches!!!
Once I had Tristan and opened my eyes and looked around, I saw two men crying who have waited so long to have their little child. Everything that I have done for the past year came together and to see the reaction and the immediate look of love in the Fathers eyes - I knew that my family and I did the best thing we could have ever done for another family.
Tristan weighed 8lbs 1oz and was 21in long. Once the father's got their time, I was able to hold Tristan and see what I have carried for the past almost 10 months. He looked like his Biological Daddy - with light hair and eyebrows, blonde eyelashes, a teeny nose and rosebud lips. He was beautiful!
The nurses took the baby to the nursery and _________ & ___________ went with them to see what they do at the nursery. I stayed in the room with Jeff and my mom and just sat. I was tired, my carpal tunnel hands were killing me (LOL), I just wanted to rest...
Speaking of my hands...they need a quick break. I'll take a break and have this "TO BE CONTINUED!!!"
At the start of this month, at 37 weeks, I was checked and was 4cm and 75% effaced. Exactly 37 weeks - I went to the hospital with 4 minute apart contractions and was later sent home due to "false" labor. These contractions continued 6-11 minutes apart for the next two weeks...
Because of being 75% effaced and had our false labor episode - the daddies _________ & _________ decided to be safe and switched their flight to America to Thursday...so they arrived and were awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy!
Exactly 38 weeks - I thought my water had broke and again went to the hospital to find out that is wasn't my water...and again was sent home. By this time, with all of the complications and the false labors - I was totally ready to have Tristan. To add to this - since the beginning of April I have suffered from severe carpal-tunnel because of the extra pregnancy fluids and wasn't able to sleep more than 2 hours a night. So tired!!!
Exactly 39 weeks - 4/24/2012 - I went to my regular check up and was still 4 cm dilated and 75% effaced, however because I made it to 39 weeks, the doctor was able to perform a procedure called "Membrane Stripping." This procedure is a stripping of the membranes that are around the cervix and bag of water to help contractions begin and stay, as well as, help with dilating the cervix. I had this procedure with Gavin (my second pregnancy) and I went into labor 6 hours later.
4 hours after the membrane stripping, contractions began! At 3:00pm, I began to actually count the minutes apart each contraction came - 3 minutes consistently until 6:00pm. I then decided to give the doctor a call to let them know the situation and they wanted me to go to the hospital. Because of going to the hospital and having to be sent home so many times, I totally was stressed about going in again...but they reassured me that because I had an induction scheduled for the next morning, the chances of me being sent home were slim.
I got myself ready and we arrived at the hospital at around 7:30pm. We waited for about an hour to even be set up on monitors and then was finally checked at 9:00pm. Because, again, my cervix was still at the same spot - they wanted to watch me for another hour to determine if I was beginning active labor or was still in the early stages. At 10:30pm, I was checked and dilated to 5cm! I was admitted!!!
Contractions were getting closer together and were becoming stronger. We decided to give me an epidural prior to breaking my water because with this being my 3rd pregnancy - there was fear that if my water was broken first that I may dilate too quickly to even get the epidural.
11:45pm came the Epidural - another experience in itself. This is the only part of labor that has always freaked me out and this time my nerves got the best of me! The anesthesiologist put the numbing needle in my back and then removed it and put the rod in my back - and didn't end up putting enough numbing stuff in - because I felt him hit a nerve and I jumped...making a mass amount of blood dispose out of my back. It was not a site that I wanted to feel or see and made the entire epidural process seem like FOREVER. After the epidural was complete - my contractions in my belly stopped (or at least the feeling stopped) but the pressure in my lower half continued to get worse and worse.
The doctors came in to check me and I was now 6cm dilated and they broke my water. Once they broke my water they were able to really feel Tristan's head and noticed that it was turned the wrong way. Normally babies come out facing down and Tristan's head was facing up...this is the reason the pressure was more than normal in my lower half. I sat at 6 cm dilated for a few hours and completely skipped 7cm and went to 9cm before we knew it!
At 5:00am - the doctors wanted me to start pushing. Because Tristan's head was facing the wrong way - the pushing process was going to be more difficult than normal. They had me start earlier than normal to see if they could turn Tristan the correct way. Because I pushed for my epidural at 4:00am - I was pushing hard but wasn't pushing in the correct area due to the disconnect from the numbing...so we pushed for 45 minutes to no avail and decided that we would turn off the epidural completely and sit for an hour to wait for Tristan to descend more on his own.
6:00 - 6:50am was an unbearable 50 minutes. 10 cm dilated and piggy back contractions with NO EPIDURAL = NOT FUN!!! I couldn't breath, I had an oxygen mask on that was driving me nuts, I was rocking back and forth in attempt to make it through each contraction as well as get Tristan to turn his head. It became unbearable and at 6:50am I was done waiting!
I pushed and pushed and pushed with all of my might. Labor with my two boys seemed so much easier - I had a working epidural with them and they were turned the correct way. This labor was so much more difficult! Finally, I got Tristan's head out (and it felt like I felt his eyes, his nose, his ears, EVERYTHING), then came his neck, and his shoulders (and this is where I feel I didn't need to push with my own boys again) but I had to push Tristan till he was entirely out! I felt every part of that little boy leave my body! The daddies cut his umbilical cord and the nurses took him away. The doctors sat and worked on me and getting my placenta and after-birth out. That was another experience without an epidural and a baby to hold. Again, I felt everything - normally you would have your baby to embrace - but because I was a surrogate - the daddies were embracing him while I was completing the labor process. Luckily I had no tear and didn't need any stitches!!!
Once I had Tristan and opened my eyes and looked around, I saw two men crying who have waited so long to have their little child. Everything that I have done for the past year came together and to see the reaction and the immediate look of love in the Fathers eyes - I knew that my family and I did the best thing we could have ever done for another family.
Tristan weighed 8lbs 1oz and was 21in long. Once the father's got their time, I was able to hold Tristan and see what I have carried for the past almost 10 months. He looked like his Biological Daddy - with light hair and eyebrows, blonde eyelashes, a teeny nose and rosebud lips. He was beautiful!
The nurses took the baby to the nursery and _________ & ___________ went with them to see what they do at the nursery. I stayed in the room with Jeff and my mom and just sat. I was tired, my carpal tunnel hands were killing me (LOL), I just wanted to rest...
Speaking of my hands...they need a quick break. I'll take a break and have this "TO BE CONTINUED!!!"
Friday, April 6, 2012
Stop being LAZY and WRITE!
Hey Bloggers - I guess it's about time to STOP being LAZY and finally give an update...huh? I know, being on bedrest, you'd think I'd have the time to write multiple updates...but there's nothing fun about being on bedrest - so I figured who would want to read a boring blog about sitting on the couch, getting up to go to the bathroom and/or shower and then moving from the couch to the bed and doing that 900 times a day! What's exciting about that?
As you all previously read, at 29 weeks I had a complication which was diagnosed as Chronic Abruption of the Placenta which has put me on bedrest for the remaining part of my pregnancy or up to 37 weeks. SUNDAY I'M OFF OF BEDREST!!!!
Since week 29 - I have had weekly appointments for Non-Stress Tests and all have gone perfectly except for one week - Week 33 - where I had to again go to the hospital. At this stress test - the baby's heart rate was jumping between 175 - 195 beats per minute for over 10 minutes of monitoring. In the ultrasound - Tristan looked completely fine but was just bouncing around everywhere...so to be safe - they sent me to be monitored at the hospital for 2 hours while Tristan of course then decided to sleep. All in all, he was absolutely fine and since then there have been no complications at all.
Effective Sunday, I get to stop my contraction meds and stop bedrest and get ready to have this little peanut for his incredible daddies! 37 weeks is approaching quickly and it's safe to have Tristan at any time now!!!
_________ & ________ aren't due to come to CT until April 23rd. I have my last NST scheduled for April 24th and a scheduled induction for April 25th at 9:00am. If everything goes as planned - this would be fantastic as ________ & ________ will be here to experience the birth of their child! This is what we're crossing our fingers for; however at my appointment this week we learned that I was close to 3cm dilated and when a baby wants to be born, he wants to be born. So - fingers crossed Tristan holds out for his daddies, but we can have this baby any day now!
So, what are my thoughts behind this? What emotions am I faced with lately? Basically the same - I love Tristan as he's growing to be a big boy in my belly and because I and my husband made this decision to carry _______ & _______'s baby. He's not mine - so the emotional attachment that you would have to your own baby that you are carrying is not there. It's very hard to explain...BUT I have found myself having to pep-talk me more. What's that mean? Well, lots of my friends are having babies right now - I've held them and have remembered just how LITTLE and precious they are at the baby stage. Here I am, having a baby for a fantastic couple - that I will give birth to and then hand over to the deserving parents. Eventually, I will get to hold Tristan - but it's the exciting part of being a new parent - getting to hold your baby for the first time, having the skin-to-skin Kangaroo Care that you do with your baby. I will be watching two daddies for the first time hold their little boy in front of me! I think that I will be completely fine - it brings a huge smile across my face to write those facts - but at the same time...I honestly don't know how I will be at that moment. I think I'll be fine - but will I really be? Will I be emotional as all those pregnancy hormones race out of my system? Will I cry? Will I want to have my own baby after this experience? These are all questions that my Pregnancy Brain have brought into my mind and I just find myself reinforcing why Jeff and I ultimately made the decision to do this. So - all these feelings - it's not because I am in love the baby that is inside of me as it's my own - but basically because I've done this for the past year - prepared myself, have gone through complications, have become this huge preggo lady to in the end hand over the bundle of joy to the daddies that have become a part of our family for the last year. It will all end at that moment...the moment that Tristan comes out - he will no longer be inside of me, a part of me and will really be his daddies little boy. In the end, I will be Autumn again, Mommy of Tatum and Gavin and wife of Jeff and will begin to have our "normal" life back - but how do you go back to a normal life after facing an adventure as we have for the past year?
I guess I look at it as my family and I will start a new adventure after the arrival of Tristan - and knowing our family...I can only imagine our next adventure will be just as crazy as this one!
I'm very excited about the day...the day that Tristan comes, the day that ________ & ________ become REAL daddies of their own little baby boy, the day that I can pick up my children who have for the past 7 weeks patiently understood why I haven't been able to hold them, and just to see what is the next chapter in our lives!
I will update you as soon as we have this little boy or if anything takes a turn in this pregnancy...Thanks for reading!!!
As you all previously read, at 29 weeks I had a complication which was diagnosed as Chronic Abruption of the Placenta which has put me on bedrest for the remaining part of my pregnancy or up to 37 weeks. SUNDAY I'M OFF OF BEDREST!!!!
Since week 29 - I have had weekly appointments for Non-Stress Tests and all have gone perfectly except for one week - Week 33 - where I had to again go to the hospital. At this stress test - the baby's heart rate was jumping between 175 - 195 beats per minute for over 10 minutes of monitoring. In the ultrasound - Tristan looked completely fine but was just bouncing around everywhere...so to be safe - they sent me to be monitored at the hospital for 2 hours while Tristan of course then decided to sleep. All in all, he was absolutely fine and since then there have been no complications at all.
Effective Sunday, I get to stop my contraction meds and stop bedrest and get ready to have this little peanut for his incredible daddies! 37 weeks is approaching quickly and it's safe to have Tristan at any time now!!!
_________ & ________ aren't due to come to CT until April 23rd. I have my last NST scheduled for April 24th and a scheduled induction for April 25th at 9:00am. If everything goes as planned - this would be fantastic as ________ & ________ will be here to experience the birth of their child! This is what we're crossing our fingers for; however at my appointment this week we learned that I was close to 3cm dilated and when a baby wants to be born, he wants to be born. So - fingers crossed Tristan holds out for his daddies, but we can have this baby any day now!
So, what are my thoughts behind this? What emotions am I faced with lately? Basically the same - I love Tristan as he's growing to be a big boy in my belly and because I and my husband made this decision to carry _______ & _______'s baby. He's not mine - so the emotional attachment that you would have to your own baby that you are carrying is not there. It's very hard to explain...BUT I have found myself having to pep-talk me more. What's that mean? Well, lots of my friends are having babies right now - I've held them and have remembered just how LITTLE and precious they are at the baby stage. Here I am, having a baby for a fantastic couple - that I will give birth to and then hand over to the deserving parents. Eventually, I will get to hold Tristan - but it's the exciting part of being a new parent - getting to hold your baby for the first time, having the skin-to-skin Kangaroo Care that you do with your baby. I will be watching two daddies for the first time hold their little boy in front of me! I think that I will be completely fine - it brings a huge smile across my face to write those facts - but at the same time...I honestly don't know how I will be at that moment. I think I'll be fine - but will I really be? Will I be emotional as all those pregnancy hormones race out of my system? Will I cry? Will I want to have my own baby after this experience? These are all questions that my Pregnancy Brain have brought into my mind and I just find myself reinforcing why Jeff and I ultimately made the decision to do this. So - all these feelings - it's not because I am in love the baby that is inside of me as it's my own - but basically because I've done this for the past year - prepared myself, have gone through complications, have become this huge preggo lady to in the end hand over the bundle of joy to the daddies that have become a part of our family for the last year. It will all end at that moment...the moment that Tristan comes out - he will no longer be inside of me, a part of me and will really be his daddies little boy. In the end, I will be Autumn again, Mommy of Tatum and Gavin and wife of Jeff and will begin to have our "normal" life back - but how do you go back to a normal life after facing an adventure as we have for the past year?
I guess I look at it as my family and I will start a new adventure after the arrival of Tristan - and knowing our family...I can only imagine our next adventure will be just as crazy as this one!
I'm very excited about the day...the day that Tristan comes, the day that ________ & ________ become REAL daddies of their own little baby boy, the day that I can pick up my children who have for the past 7 weeks patiently understood why I haven't been able to hold them, and just to see what is the next chapter in our lives!
I will update you as soon as we have this little boy or if anything takes a turn in this pregnancy...Thanks for reading!!!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
A Week of Craziness...
Well, when they say count your blessings - you really need to count your blessings. This week has been crazy...nothing that I ever expected for "my life" to happen. With two perfectly healthy pregnancies, one of the reasons why Jeff and I decided wholeheartedly to become Surrogate Parents - did I ever think that this pregnancy would ever be different. Well it seems to be turning out that way...
As you've been following my posts, you all know that at week 15 I bled a ton thinking that I lost the baby - which thankfully I did not and it ended up being a large clot. Then at week 26, I began to spot again - old blood - but still spotting and now at week 29...Monday I started to spot again - but again it was bright red blood.
Monday night I called the doctors and they sent me into the hospital as they have the past two times this occurred...difference being when I was on the monitors they were picking up contractions every 3-4 minutes. I had no idea - I thought they were just cramps...but I wasn't thinking they were contractions. Along with the blood and the contractions - I became 1 cm dialated - not just on the outside but on the inside this time (although they said my cervix was still very long - which is a good thing). The doctors weren't concerned about the 1 cm as with this being my third pregnancy that's common - but they were concerned with the contractions as they didn't want me to dialate more.
They diagnosed me with Chronic Abruption of the Placenta - which means that the placenta and my uteran wall which are attached has a slight tear in it. When the tear fills with fluid/blood from both the placenta and my uterus - the build up will release and hence I will spot. Because blood is a irritant to the uterus, my uterus begins to contract to get the blood out - causing contractions...although the diagnoses sounds scary - it can be common with IVF pregnancies and because they're aware of it (although it doesn't show up on ultrasounds cause it's so small) - they are watching me closely.
In the course of all of this - I ensured that I emailed Tristan's daddies to keep them in the loop. I never want to have them worry being so far away in France - but this is their baby and I want them to experience everything about being a parent - even through pregnancy. Although all of this was happening to me - the baby (Tristan) didn't seem affected at all. He is 100% perfect in my belly and continues to be! With the ultrasounds they did on him - we found out that at this time he's a 4lb baby (which is quite large at this time...most babies are about 2 and a half pounds right now). So, Tristan is happy and healthy still in my belly - which is our ultimate goal!!! ________ & ________ were really great while I was in the hospital - emailing me and calling me to keep my spirits positive. Although they are very nervous being so far away - they are supportive of myself, Jeff and the boys. They always think of my feelings and the feelings of my family and want to make sure that I am okay. They understand how hard all of this is on all of us and really let us know that they are with us - even with the distance.
Monday night they began to give me fluids through an IV in hopes that that would halt the contractions - it did not. They then moved the fluids to a drug called Magnesium - not a fun drug at all! With Magnesium you're body begins to feel hot and heavy, eye vison becomes blurry and hard to keep your eyes open, for some its hard to breath, you cannot get out of bed while on Mag so they put a catheder in you, you can't eat and are limited to ice chips only. Being the "in control" obsessive person that I am - I couldn't deal with the cathedar - every time I had a contraction - the feeling of a bladder infection occurred due to the irritation of the cathedar and I begged the nurse to TAKE IT OUT!!! I promised to pee in a bed pan every two hours to get rid of all the fluids in my body. The nurses thought I was crazy and said that they'd do it but can't promise that the catheder wouldn't be put back in later. I made sure that this wasn't going to happen - I became the patient that wasn't affected by Mag - was pulling myself up in bed to pee in a bed pan and didn't let anything but the blurry vison affect me. The nurses and doctors were amazed! I was just happy that I didn't have the damn catheder in me anymore!!!
Along with the Mag - they also gave me 2 steroid shots to develop Tristan's lungs faster in the case that we do not make it to full term. The shots were given 12 hours apart - so 10pm Monday night and 10pm Tuesday night. Mag had to be taken for at least 48 hours and had to be taken for 24 hours after the last steroid shot - so Mag continued until Wed night at 10pm.
Wednesday was a very hard day for me - being almost 2 days away from my boys (who did visit me in the hospital - but obviously had to leave) and not eating for 2 days and not getting up and moving - I was becomming stir crazy. Then the doctor came in and told me how I would be in the hospital till at least Thursday night and when I got to go home I'd have to be on bedrest. I was a mess - how do you do bedrest with two little kids? How do I, who do almost everything for my family, sit back and not do anything? How do I depend on everyone else when it's everyone that always depends on me? My emotions were going crazy. I was lucky to have my mom with me when the doctor came in because she was able to listen as I was able to cry...
From having two perfect pregnancies previously, to having one that I am at 29 weeks and on bedrest was really hard for me to believe. My mom, Jeff, my inlaws - everyone is very supportive and are ensuring me that we will get through this - we will go day by day and whatever needs to get done will get done. The most important factor is keeping me healthy and well so that Tristan stays happy and well. I was finally released on Thursday night...and was able to come home to my boys and Jeff. Although I do nothing but lay in bed and on the couch - just having the opportunity to call Gavin and Tatum to sit next to me is enough...I have to let my anxiety of having a clean house and getting up to help disappear - and just need to be grateful that I am home.
When released - they gave me meds to continue to take at home every 6 hours to keep the contractions from beginning again. They said that there is no promise that the contractions will definitely stop - but I'm due to be on the meds until week 37 of pregnancy. I was also given the bedrest instructions - which of course made me cringe again - but I gotta do what I gotta do. Since being home - Jeff has stepped up his game on being a mother and a father and I am more in love with him now seeing him do everything. I knew he always had it in him - but watching him step up to the plate to ensure that I stay safe is wonderful. Tatum understands that he needs to help daddy and that mommy can't do much - so he's doing the best he can to help us out. Gavin doesn't really understand and shows a ton of frustration - but on a good note - he won't remember much of this! My mother and father, as always, step up to the plate and are doing everything to make life easier for Jeff and I. When daycare and school aren't in session - they're taking the kids for a few hours to run them restless and last night they took them overnight so that Jeff could have a break. I am so very lucky to have family and friends that are so supportive and are willing to help out whenever they can.
This journey is still going - which is incredible and makes me so thankful. Thankful to be doing this for ______ & ______ even through the difficulties - but also so thankful because I know the difference between easy pregnancies and the struggles other women and men have to face. This is such a learning experience - that brings new lessons everyday...the lesson today is to be Thankful for what I have and to take one day at a time.
I'll provide more updates shortly - my appointments are weekly now for monitoring - so I will have new news next week...just fingers crossed everything remains stable.
Thanks for following! :)
As you've been following my posts, you all know that at week 15 I bled a ton thinking that I lost the baby - which thankfully I did not and it ended up being a large clot. Then at week 26, I began to spot again - old blood - but still spotting and now at week 29...Monday I started to spot again - but again it was bright red blood.
Monday night I called the doctors and they sent me into the hospital as they have the past two times this occurred...difference being when I was on the monitors they were picking up contractions every 3-4 minutes. I had no idea - I thought they were just cramps...but I wasn't thinking they were contractions. Along with the blood and the contractions - I became 1 cm dialated - not just on the outside but on the inside this time (although they said my cervix was still very long - which is a good thing). The doctors weren't concerned about the 1 cm as with this being my third pregnancy that's common - but they were concerned with the contractions as they didn't want me to dialate more.
They diagnosed me with Chronic Abruption of the Placenta - which means that the placenta and my uteran wall which are attached has a slight tear in it. When the tear fills with fluid/blood from both the placenta and my uterus - the build up will release and hence I will spot. Because blood is a irritant to the uterus, my uterus begins to contract to get the blood out - causing contractions...although the diagnoses sounds scary - it can be common with IVF pregnancies and because they're aware of it (although it doesn't show up on ultrasounds cause it's so small) - they are watching me closely.
In the course of all of this - I ensured that I emailed Tristan's daddies to keep them in the loop. I never want to have them worry being so far away in France - but this is their baby and I want them to experience everything about being a parent - even through pregnancy. Although all of this was happening to me - the baby (Tristan) didn't seem affected at all. He is 100% perfect in my belly and continues to be! With the ultrasounds they did on him - we found out that at this time he's a 4lb baby (which is quite large at this time...most babies are about 2 and a half pounds right now). So, Tristan is happy and healthy still in my belly - which is our ultimate goal!!! ________ & ________ were really great while I was in the hospital - emailing me and calling me to keep my spirits positive. Although they are very nervous being so far away - they are supportive of myself, Jeff and the boys. They always think of my feelings and the feelings of my family and want to make sure that I am okay. They understand how hard all of this is on all of us and really let us know that they are with us - even with the distance.
Monday night they began to give me fluids through an IV in hopes that that would halt the contractions - it did not. They then moved the fluids to a drug called Magnesium - not a fun drug at all! With Magnesium you're body begins to feel hot and heavy, eye vison becomes blurry and hard to keep your eyes open, for some its hard to breath, you cannot get out of bed while on Mag so they put a catheder in you, you can't eat and are limited to ice chips only. Being the "in control" obsessive person that I am - I couldn't deal with the cathedar - every time I had a contraction - the feeling of a bladder infection occurred due to the irritation of the cathedar and I begged the nurse to TAKE IT OUT!!! I promised to pee in a bed pan every two hours to get rid of all the fluids in my body. The nurses thought I was crazy and said that they'd do it but can't promise that the catheder wouldn't be put back in later. I made sure that this wasn't going to happen - I became the patient that wasn't affected by Mag - was pulling myself up in bed to pee in a bed pan and didn't let anything but the blurry vison affect me. The nurses and doctors were amazed! I was just happy that I didn't have the damn catheder in me anymore!!!
Along with the Mag - they also gave me 2 steroid shots to develop Tristan's lungs faster in the case that we do not make it to full term. The shots were given 12 hours apart - so 10pm Monday night and 10pm Tuesday night. Mag had to be taken for at least 48 hours and had to be taken for 24 hours after the last steroid shot - so Mag continued until Wed night at 10pm.
Wednesday was a very hard day for me - being almost 2 days away from my boys (who did visit me in the hospital - but obviously had to leave) and not eating for 2 days and not getting up and moving - I was becomming stir crazy. Then the doctor came in and told me how I would be in the hospital till at least Thursday night and when I got to go home I'd have to be on bedrest. I was a mess - how do you do bedrest with two little kids? How do I, who do almost everything for my family, sit back and not do anything? How do I depend on everyone else when it's everyone that always depends on me? My emotions were going crazy. I was lucky to have my mom with me when the doctor came in because she was able to listen as I was able to cry...
From having two perfect pregnancies previously, to having one that I am at 29 weeks and on bedrest was really hard for me to believe. My mom, Jeff, my inlaws - everyone is very supportive and are ensuring me that we will get through this - we will go day by day and whatever needs to get done will get done. The most important factor is keeping me healthy and well so that Tristan stays happy and well. I was finally released on Thursday night...and was able to come home to my boys and Jeff. Although I do nothing but lay in bed and on the couch - just having the opportunity to call Gavin and Tatum to sit next to me is enough...I have to let my anxiety of having a clean house and getting up to help disappear - and just need to be grateful that I am home.
When released - they gave me meds to continue to take at home every 6 hours to keep the contractions from beginning again. They said that there is no promise that the contractions will definitely stop - but I'm due to be on the meds until week 37 of pregnancy. I was also given the bedrest instructions - which of course made me cringe again - but I gotta do what I gotta do. Since being home - Jeff has stepped up his game on being a mother and a father and I am more in love with him now seeing him do everything. I knew he always had it in him - but watching him step up to the plate to ensure that I stay safe is wonderful. Tatum understands that he needs to help daddy and that mommy can't do much - so he's doing the best he can to help us out. Gavin doesn't really understand and shows a ton of frustration - but on a good note - he won't remember much of this! My mother and father, as always, step up to the plate and are doing everything to make life easier for Jeff and I. When daycare and school aren't in session - they're taking the kids for a few hours to run them restless and last night they took them overnight so that Jeff could have a break. I am so very lucky to have family and friends that are so supportive and are willing to help out whenever they can.
This journey is still going - which is incredible and makes me so thankful. Thankful to be doing this for ______ & ______ even through the difficulties - but also so thankful because I know the difference between easy pregnancies and the struggles other women and men have to face. This is such a learning experience - that brings new lessons everyday...the lesson today is to be Thankful for what I have and to take one day at a time.
I'll provide more updates shortly - my appointments are weekly now for monitoring - so I will have new news next week...just fingers crossed everything remains stable.
Thanks for following! :)
Saturday, January 28, 2012
26 Weeks - Ups and Downs
Well it's been just over a month since I last wrote. On a fantastic note - if you don't hear from me it's mainly because everything is going very well and there's nothing much to write about. Not saying that I only write when there is something to write about - but it's a lot easier to write when there's a story to tell...
Everything with the Surrogacy has been going very well. Since my last update - I have had another ultrasound which did detect that the right Kidney of the baby is still enlarged or dilated. Again, the doctors reassured me and I did my best to reassure ______ & ______ that this is a very common thing to happen in baby boys especially, and that in should clear up on it's own. I have another ultrasound appointment at the end of February and the doctors told me that we should be able to tell at this ultrasound if the kidney will correct on its own or if we'll probably have to have a pediatric urologist come in to the hospital when the baby is born. Our fingers are crossed that this peanut's kidney corrects on it's own - but I am confident that if he doesn't correct within my belly he will shortly after his arrival with his first pee!
I'm 7 months pregnant now - 10 weeks to go to make it to 37 weeks and 13 weeks to 40 weeks. The pregnancy has truly flown by. I think a lot of that has to do with this baby not being my own! I'm sure that the pregnancy is taking FOREVER for ______ & ______. The parents have decided to name the baby boy Tristan and we were able to choose a name for him as well, Jeff and I decided on Ryan as our boys have middle names of Ryan. This way the baby always has a piece of us with him! Tristan is moving a ton - Tatum, Jeff and I sit in bed at night and watch him wiggle in my belly. We continue to explain to Tatum the baby is not ours and he understands completely that Tristan is ______ & _____'s and that when the baby comes out he will not be coming home with us. But, I want Tatum to enjoy the time that Tristan is with us and while he is in my belly - so I think moments like when he's moving is a special thing for Tatum to experience. Gavin still doesn't even realize a difference in me nor understands that there is a little baby in my belly. It's really crazy - I really prepared myself well with the emotional aspect of Tristan not being my baby - I think it's amazing when he moves and I talk to him for his daddies BUT the feeling that I had when my babies moved in my belly is not at all the feeling that I feel when Tristan move. Don't get me wrong - it's very hard not to be emotional about the whole thing - but for my sake, my families sake, the daddies sake and Tristan's sake - I think that the way I have been going through this pregnancy is just emotionally healthy!
We have had a little scare - last Wednesday I had to go to Labor and Delivery at the Hospital. I woke up spotting and having cramps and they felt that I should be admitted to be watched. The spotting was "old" but because it was accompanied with cramps it was something that they definitely needed to watch. After examinations and ultrasounds it was determined that I was 1 cm dialated; however the inside of my cervix was still long and firm. Therefore, I may be dialated 1cm on the outside - but Tristan is where he is supposed to be and the dialation is not affecting anything on the inside of my cervix. They discharged me with modified bedrest meaning no heavy lifting, pelvic rest, no house cleaning, etc until my appointment on Monday morning. Jeff has been so helpful in ensuring that I follow the modified bedrest rules - BELIEVE ME - I'm not the bedrest type of person! I'm go, go, go ALL THE TIME...so this isn't an easy task for me. I'm lucky to have the support of Jeff and my family during this time. The hardest part about this short bedrest is not being able to lift up Gavin and Tatum - so we cuddle a ton on the couch and I can just keep my fingers crossed that I can start to lift and hold my babies again!!! If I'm still experiencing some cramping when my appointment comes - the doctors will be doing some kind of swab test that will rule out any type of preterm labor - they doubt that I will go into preterm - but this extra test will just be an ease of mind.
So, now we await the appointment on Monday to take me off of bedrest and then at the end of Feb being able to see the little peanut who has gotten so big! Thank you so much for following and please feel free to ask any questions that you may have...I love hearing from all of you!!!
Everything with the Surrogacy has been going very well. Since my last update - I have had another ultrasound which did detect that the right Kidney of the baby is still enlarged or dilated. Again, the doctors reassured me and I did my best to reassure ______ & ______ that this is a very common thing to happen in baby boys especially, and that in should clear up on it's own. I have another ultrasound appointment at the end of February and the doctors told me that we should be able to tell at this ultrasound if the kidney will correct on its own or if we'll probably have to have a pediatric urologist come in to the hospital when the baby is born. Our fingers are crossed that this peanut's kidney corrects on it's own - but I am confident that if he doesn't correct within my belly he will shortly after his arrival with his first pee!
I'm 7 months pregnant now - 10 weeks to go to make it to 37 weeks and 13 weeks to 40 weeks. The pregnancy has truly flown by. I think a lot of that has to do with this baby not being my own! I'm sure that the pregnancy is taking FOREVER for ______ & ______. The parents have decided to name the baby boy Tristan and we were able to choose a name for him as well, Jeff and I decided on Ryan as our boys have middle names of Ryan. This way the baby always has a piece of us with him! Tristan is moving a ton - Tatum, Jeff and I sit in bed at night and watch him wiggle in my belly. We continue to explain to Tatum the baby is not ours and he understands completely that Tristan is ______ & _____'s and that when the baby comes out he will not be coming home with us. But, I want Tatum to enjoy the time that Tristan is with us and while he is in my belly - so I think moments like when he's moving is a special thing for Tatum to experience. Gavin still doesn't even realize a difference in me nor understands that there is a little baby in my belly. It's really crazy - I really prepared myself well with the emotional aspect of Tristan not being my baby - I think it's amazing when he moves and I talk to him for his daddies BUT the feeling that I had when my babies moved in my belly is not at all the feeling that I feel when Tristan move. Don't get me wrong - it's very hard not to be emotional about the whole thing - but for my sake, my families sake, the daddies sake and Tristan's sake - I think that the way I have been going through this pregnancy is just emotionally healthy!
We have had a little scare - last Wednesday I had to go to Labor and Delivery at the Hospital. I woke up spotting and having cramps and they felt that I should be admitted to be watched. The spotting was "old" but because it was accompanied with cramps it was something that they definitely needed to watch. After examinations and ultrasounds it was determined that I was 1 cm dialated; however the inside of my cervix was still long and firm. Therefore, I may be dialated 1cm on the outside - but Tristan is where he is supposed to be and the dialation is not affecting anything on the inside of my cervix. They discharged me with modified bedrest meaning no heavy lifting, pelvic rest, no house cleaning, etc until my appointment on Monday morning. Jeff has been so helpful in ensuring that I follow the modified bedrest rules - BELIEVE ME - I'm not the bedrest type of person! I'm go, go, go ALL THE TIME...so this isn't an easy task for me. I'm lucky to have the support of Jeff and my family during this time. The hardest part about this short bedrest is not being able to lift up Gavin and Tatum - so we cuddle a ton on the couch and I can just keep my fingers crossed that I can start to lift and hold my babies again!!! If I'm still experiencing some cramping when my appointment comes - the doctors will be doing some kind of swab test that will rule out any type of preterm labor - they doubt that I will go into preterm - but this extra test will just be an ease of mind.
So, now we await the appointment on Monday to take me off of bedrest and then at the end of Feb being able to see the little peanut who has gotten so big! Thank you so much for following and please feel free to ask any questions that you may have...I love hearing from all of you!!!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Flip Flops
Merry Christmas to all! I hope that everyone has had a wonderful Christmas weekend. I, for sure, enjoyed all of my time with my family and friends and loved ones. We are very blessed to have such great people in our lives and that is the most wonderful gift of all!
I have been incredibly busy, which is nothing new. But thought that I should take some time to provide some Surrogacy updates to you all. The baby is doing great! HE - yes...the last ultrasound verified that this little miracle inside of me is a BOY - is growing very well and is actually measuring one week bigger than scheduled. This doesn't change anything in regards to the due date; our due date is still May 1st. I believe that the couple is thinking of Gabriel or Tristin for the first name of the baby...I prefer Tristin - I think it's a great, strong name!
At the last ultrasound, it was also determined that I will need to have monthly ultrasounds until the baby is delivered. They found his right kidney to be a little dialated; meaning that it's not empting as it should be or that there may be a very small blockage. This is very common in pregnancies with boys and the babies normally end up correcting the issue on their own in utero or by the time they come into the world and pee on their own for the first time. The monthly ultrasounds will just monitor the kidney to ensure that it does not become larger or to see if the issue has corrected itself. If the issue corrects itself - the ultrasounds can stop. If the issue doesn't correct itself, then the baby will have to have an ultrasound once he's born and will need to see a pediatric urologist. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the baby corrects the issue on his own...however, if he doesn't we know that he will be just fine!
With all that said, this little man has began to move a ton. I was a little concerned because I didn't feel him flip-flopping around as much as I did with Tatum and Gavin. I found out in the ultrasound that the Placenta for this pregnancy is on top of the baby - so for me to feel him kicking he needs to kick through the placenta - which could be compared to a large pillow. Recently though, this little dude has been moving a ton which means that he's definitely a STRONG baby! The flip-flops of the baby have really brought more "emotion" to my pregnancy. When I feel the baby move, of course, my first instinct is to grab hold of my belly and just embrace the moment. Of course, this is what I did with my babies...but that's when I need to take a step back and remind myself that this isn't my baby - that this is ______ and _____ baby. Upon the baby moving, I do still grab my belly - but it's with an emotion that I'm holding my belly for the baby to feel the love of it's fathers. I, don't get me wrong, love this little boy inside of me - but it's a love that is not the same as what I felt for my own children growing inside of me. I think that this is something that only other Surrogate Mother's can explain or understand...because it is rather difficult to explain. You have to love what's growing inside of you, but not like it's your own, take care of it like it's your own, but it isn't your own. This is exactly why I'm so happy that I really prepared myself emotionally and physically before going into this experience....
When I hold my belly, I hold it and talk to it about the baby's daddies...not about myself or about Jeff or the boys...just about the family that he will come into once he is born. We have not "talked" to ______ and _____ via SKYPE since their November Visit and plan to talk to them next week via SKYPE. We have emailed a ton and I have sent them the most recent ultrasound pictures of their little baby. I try to explain every part of the pregnancy to them so that they can feel and experience the most "normal" pregnancy that they can...although they are not holding this baby inside of them - I want them to still experience what I am experiencing...so I try to be as verbal as possible.
Next appointments are 1/5 and 1/13 and I will provide more updates! Please have a very safe and Happy New Years...count your blessings and welcome in 2012 with new adventures!
I have been incredibly busy, which is nothing new. But thought that I should take some time to provide some Surrogacy updates to you all. The baby is doing great! HE - yes...the last ultrasound verified that this little miracle inside of me is a BOY - is growing very well and is actually measuring one week bigger than scheduled. This doesn't change anything in regards to the due date; our due date is still May 1st. I believe that the couple is thinking of Gabriel or Tristin for the first name of the baby...I prefer Tristin - I think it's a great, strong name!
At the last ultrasound, it was also determined that I will need to have monthly ultrasounds until the baby is delivered. They found his right kidney to be a little dialated; meaning that it's not empting as it should be or that there may be a very small blockage. This is very common in pregnancies with boys and the babies normally end up correcting the issue on their own in utero or by the time they come into the world and pee on their own for the first time. The monthly ultrasounds will just monitor the kidney to ensure that it does not become larger or to see if the issue has corrected itself. If the issue corrects itself - the ultrasounds can stop. If the issue doesn't correct itself, then the baby will have to have an ultrasound once he's born and will need to see a pediatric urologist. We're keeping our fingers crossed that the baby corrects the issue on his own...however, if he doesn't we know that he will be just fine!
With all that said, this little man has began to move a ton. I was a little concerned because I didn't feel him flip-flopping around as much as I did with Tatum and Gavin. I found out in the ultrasound that the Placenta for this pregnancy is on top of the baby - so for me to feel him kicking he needs to kick through the placenta - which could be compared to a large pillow. Recently though, this little dude has been moving a ton which means that he's definitely a STRONG baby! The flip-flops of the baby have really brought more "emotion" to my pregnancy. When I feel the baby move, of course, my first instinct is to grab hold of my belly and just embrace the moment. Of course, this is what I did with my babies...but that's when I need to take a step back and remind myself that this isn't my baby - that this is ______ and _____ baby. Upon the baby moving, I do still grab my belly - but it's with an emotion that I'm holding my belly for the baby to feel the love of it's fathers. I, don't get me wrong, love this little boy inside of me - but it's a love that is not the same as what I felt for my own children growing inside of me. I think that this is something that only other Surrogate Mother's can explain or understand...because it is rather difficult to explain. You have to love what's growing inside of you, but not like it's your own, take care of it like it's your own, but it isn't your own. This is exactly why I'm so happy that I really prepared myself emotionally and physically before going into this experience....
When I hold my belly, I hold it and talk to it about the baby's daddies...not about myself or about Jeff or the boys...just about the family that he will come into once he is born. We have not "talked" to ______ and _____ via SKYPE since their November Visit and plan to talk to them next week via SKYPE. We have emailed a ton and I have sent them the most recent ultrasound pictures of their little baby. I try to explain every part of the pregnancy to them so that they can feel and experience the most "normal" pregnancy that they can...although they are not holding this baby inside of them - I want them to still experience what I am experiencing...so I try to be as verbal as possible.
Next appointments are 1/5 and 1/13 and I will provide more updates! Please have a very safe and Happy New Years...count your blessings and welcome in 2012 with new adventures!
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